Are we in a gay sports bar?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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