...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
