a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
