dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
