We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
