have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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