Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
