let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
