I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
