Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
