From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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