im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
