That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
