i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i believe in u and ur pee
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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