Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just want to make out with him forever
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
