Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
