White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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