i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
someone owes me an orgasm
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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