Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
