you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
