I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
