That's intense
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
