I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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