If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
