Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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