so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
