I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
