Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
