I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
