He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
