Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
