I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
