I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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