i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
