i barfeds in our rink
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
