you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
