Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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