Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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