He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We have so much sex to catch up on
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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