is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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