that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
