Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
