the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
