How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
