i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
is it fun? or sober?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
