If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
only if we run a train.
done.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
