I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize