do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
