oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
