just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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