dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
