apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
