my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
