and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
