the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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