he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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