Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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