Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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