on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just pee around me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
