and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
