So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize