When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
