drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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