I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you never un-have a 4some
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
