i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
