that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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