If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
