That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
