No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
