So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
