just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
