I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
