Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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