i just sent this text using only my big toe
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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