Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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