absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
