Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
